Yesterday was a fun, exhilarating and emotional day for me. Have you had those moments where an emotion sneaks out of some secretly quiet and hidden place in your body and once it’s unleashed you simply cannot stuff it back in? Sometimes it is anger or sometimes it is laughter over something so silly but you just can’t stop laughing until you cry. For me yesterday it was tears. Rivers and rivers of tears followed by hardly legible words. Not only did this happen, it happenned in a public place. Lol
You see, Carter and Kendall started Taekwondo last year. While rewarding, this experience has been somewhat challenging. Although Kendall is 3 years Carter’s junior, she has surpassed him and earned her yellow stripe belt (2nd belt) before Carter did. I could have had her wait to test until Carter was ready but I believe strongly that this would have been an injustice for both she and Carter. It is essential that Kendall has her own journey and that the only thing holding her back would be her. I am also of the belief the Carter’s journey may be more challenging at times but that it will be his own unique one with celebrations he truly earned on his own.
Taekwondo had a couple of false starts for Carter. It became clear early on that the class setting put Carter on sensory overload. The movements of wobbly kids yelling HI – YA, having to wait his turn, the lights, everything pushed him into a meltdown presenting itself as a badly behaved child. If this was 5 years ago I would have taken him out of class with consequence. Thank goodness I now see the triggers for Carter and what subsequent behaviors will follow.
Carter’s instructor (Master? Sensai? I dunno what to call him but I should) could have given up and said that the class is just not going to work for him. Instead, his instructor tapped into his research gene to find a solution. One day, he pulled me into his office showing me a video of a young adult with autism and his journey through Taekwondo. The video was fascinating in the fact that part of it was footage from when this young man started Taekwondo. Like Carter, he had a wobbly, not so muscular, body that was sensory seeking – not strong and in control. He would fall to the ground, make the high pitched noises while running around the room crashing into walls. As the video progressed it showed this young man’s growth and how Taekwondo helped him gain a deeper sense of himself and the exercise of self control. What I found equally as captivating was the tears welling up in Carter’s instructors eyes. This man hardly knew my son but was so deeply rooted in finding a solution for Carter. In a moment where I was grasping for something – anything to find the energy to push Carter through yet another thing that might not work for him, someone had taken the reigns. I was humbled and grateful. It was such an intangible gift that was given in a secret moment of just wanting to give up on the thought of pushing Carter through yet another activity. The instructor had a plan, which included one on one lessons. He had such belief this would work that I held onto his hope…not mine. Making room in my budget for this, we proceeded with the one on one lessons.
Some classes were tough for Carter and without a doubt, tough for his instructor. Some moments I wondered if it just wasn’t going to work. But slowly I could see that Carter’s push ups were growing stronger and more solid. The periods in which he exercised self control were getting longer. He began to talk about Taekwondo outside of class and show everybody his moves.
Back to yesterday, it was testing day. Typically all students eligible to test, do so in a group setting. Knowing that the sensory overload may set Carter up for failure, the instructor held a private testing session before the rest of the students tested. Sitting at the table of 3 panel judges, the instructor asked Carter to count to 10 in Korean. He did it! Carter then recited the meaning of the white belt. As he was asked to move through his progressions, he began to struggle a little bit. Kendall and I were sitting and watching and literally holding our breath. We had our fingers crossed hoping he could pull it together. I had to take a photo. Carter’s girls were sending out as much good juju as we could for him!
About that time, the instructor dismissed the other two judges as he knew that they were a distraction for Carter. He was right! Once the setting was as Carter was familiar with, he thrived….moving through his progressions with ease.
What I also found touching was a moment when the instructor asked his wife to keep all students coming in to test outside so the traffic wouldn’t derail Carter.
The testing was complete and Kendall and I weren’t sure if Carter passed. When the instructor grabbed the belt I immediate welled up! The breath I didn’t know I was holding began seeping put of me like a tire with a slow leak.
The instructor came over afterwards beaming with pride and went on and on about how well Carter did. Suddenly that place of emotion I did not know existed opened up and the river of tears began to flow. My words kept spewing my gratitude for believing in Carter and doing whatever it took for him to be successful. What I couldn’t articulate was my gratitude for believing in my son over and over – day after day when at fleeting moments, I really struggled to. Without knowing it, HE stepped in as Carter’s surrogate parent when I was so fatigued and at times hopeless. All silent and secret thoughts but they were there. When I plastered on a smile, at times I was secretly flailing in the waters of question.
Once again…..another member of the village it takes to raise a child had made a difference in Carter’s life. 🙂
Do You Understand Baby? 